Member-only story
Anxiety Thinks it is My Friend
I don’t need a friend like this
The global pandemic has made me realize a lot of things, but one thing I would never have guessed before now is that I am a person with a lot of anxiety. It’s pretty ridiculous that this never occurred to me before. Looking back I see the signs so clearly. Anxiety has been a near constant companion on my journey through life. The thing that has become clear to me is that it is a pretty shitty companion, even though I know it wants to be my friend and take care of me.
When I first realized that I have anxiety was a day early in the pandemic when I went to the grocery store. Everything seemed surreal. The shelves were low on many items which was not normal for my well-stocked store. Then I rounded the corner and saw the meat counter, which stretches for miles across the back of the store. It was empty. When I say empty I mean a pack of ribs, a few packs of beef liver and nothing else. So I put the ribs and a pack of liver in my cart and proceeded to have a full-blown panic attack right there on the meat aisle. Not because I cannot live without meat, but because the world I thought was predictable obviously was not.
That’s when the fear started following me around. I began having several anxiety attacks a day which consisted of heat rushing to my face, my heart racing, a pounding in my ears…
