Cari Ann — What a brave story. I have a similar story, but I was 40 before I finally extricated myself from the mental and emotional abuse I suffered at the altar of Christianity. Please know that there is a way to get beyond your guilt and sense of being adrift. For me, adopting Buddhism as my spiritual path saved me because Buddhism teaches that humans are all basically good, vs. Christianity which teaches humans are all basically evil.

Continue to have the courage to find your own spiritual path. The way will open for you to find a new way to be in this world without the god of Christianity.