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Forgiveness Releases Our Heart From Exile
Whether we are forgiving ourselves or another, it is our most important work
Most of us have experienced the sorrow of doing something that causes another pain. Some of us have even lost others to estrangement when our actions were hurtful. We have regrets and shame. The dilemma then becomes, do we forgive ourselves, or chain ourselves to the hurtful thing we did as a way of penance? How long must we suffer the pain of self-hatred in order to pay for our sins?
It is only those that do not understand the nature of their own pain that insist we not be allowed to forgive ourselves. It’s as if by holding ourselves prisoner to our wrongdoing, we can somehow make their pain less. But this never works. When someone does something that harms us in any way, it is our job to find our way to healing. We have the work of honoring our pain, tending to our wounds and nurturing our way back to wholeness.
It’s the same when we suffer the pain of self-hatred. When we cannot forgive ourselves for the pain we caused someone, especially when the consequences of that action result in the loss of relationship with someone we value and love, it can cut us off from the goodness of life. As Jack Kornfield says in his book The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace, “Finding a way to extend…
