Allowing Ourselves to be Angry is Healthy
When our anger is repressed, it turns to rage and depression
The goal isn’t to never feel angry. The goal is to understand your anger and choose healthy ways to respond to it. — Unknown
Many of us are taught by our parents, our teachers and society that certain emotions are unacceptable. The adults in our lives were not comfortable with their strong emotions, so they needed to control ours. Girls especially are taught to be nice and not express anger, disappointment or outrage.
I was taught that being mad was not nice. The problem with this is that the feelings have to go somewhere, so they got turned inward and manifested as self-hatred. As a child, this meant biting myself when I was angry because I had no other way to express it.
When I married someone who did not allow me to express anger, I suddenly experienced being cut off from my authentic self. I compensated by creating an alternate self that was devoted, subservient and pandering. This was how I stayed safe.
The result of not being allowed to feel and express our feelings is that we lose our ability to set boundaries. We are at the mercy of others to tell us how we are doing, and to interpret our experiences for us. It seems crazy now when I think of how I lived for so…
