Hannah — I fear you missed my point when I said I had given up my idea of what a daughter should be. I only meant that I have released society’s idea that a daughter will be faithful to the end no matter what we do. That is is damaging, and throws all the blame and responsibility on the daughter. My daughter is well within her rights to sever her relationship with me. I have no ideas about what an “ideal” daughter should be. I have always wanted my children to be who they are — not who I want them to be.
I have found that coming to a place of peace, “comforting myself” as you put it, has been the first of many steps toward owning my responsibility in the estrangement. Without the ability to be kind to myself, I cannot possibly look at myself with honesty. I have done that and I have learned a lot about what went into the break in our relationship. I in no way think I could be in the right.
I have not given a lot of details about the estrangement because I am attempting to share my experience without harming others who are a part of the story. Yes, I did things wrong. And, yes, it has taken a long time for me to come to grips with that. Self-healing has been a huge part of that process. It may seem to you that I got it backwards, but I did it the way I had to to get to this point.
I understand that your comments are based on your own experience. I am certain that every estrangement is different and that your experience does not interpret my daughter’s or my own. We each have our own path to take.
I wish you the very best.