Helen — I am so sorry you are suffering the pain of estrangement from your daughter. It is a pain that no one can understand unless they have been through it. Your question pricked my heart, because I know the anguish and desperation you are feeling. The one thing I might suggest is writing her a letter. There is no way you will know whether she will read it or not, but if you haven’t tried it it could not hurt. This can be tricky, though, because you don’t want to make it about your pain and confusion, but address the fact that you understand she is feeling hurt around your relationship and that you want to hear from her so you can own your part and start the healing. This is a crap shoot, for sure, but I know it has worked for other parents. I have to be honest and say it has not worked for me, so far, but I will keep sending these letters every few months or so. It’s all I can do, because, like you, my child has cut off all communication.
My heart breaks for you. I wish you strength, courage and waves of love to wash over you in this difficult situation. ♥