I could relate to this in so many ways. My depression was from an emotionally abusive marriage, and the day I stood at the dresser with the gun to my head something within me roared up and shouted NO! I knew then that I wanted to live - I just wanted to live a different life. And I wanted to stay alive for my children. I made it through that horrible time and my children are adults now. I am so glad I am still here to be their mom. I wish you so much peace and healing. I know you can do this. I am pulling for you. ♥