I know how you are feeling! I felt that way for such a long time. Just remember that your unhappiness does not benefit her in any way. You deserve to be happy. If we were not allowed to be happy because of the failures in our lives, none of us would be happy and it would be a miserable world to live in. Make amends in any way that you can, forgive yourself and allow yourself to be happy. Each of us has to find our own way and our children ultimately have to learn to live even though we failed them. There are no perfect parents.