Jenny - In order for a parent to harm their child to that extent, they have to have deep wounds themselves. A wounded parent will wound their child, we all do it. We all have wounds, but when our wounds are so deep, we can do horrendous things to others, including our children. I believe when we are that wounded, we cannot see what we are doing, or if we do, we cannot seem to stop ourselves. A person who is in that much pain is only thinking of one thing - stop the pain, stop the pain, stop the pain.

There may be parents who harm their children in ways that are unforgivable. I understand that. But I believe that the parent is so blinded by their pain, and their pursuit of relief from that pain, that they truly cannot see what they have done. Or, it is so painful to see what they have done that they lie to themselves about how bad it was. It may never be possible for them to face the truth without help, and a lot of people will never get or find the help they need.

I cannot imagine how hard it must be to be a child who was so neglected and abused by a parent who will not own their behavior and make amends. Is it possible for parents who have so badly abused their child to apologize? Yes. But only if they can find healing for their own wounds. Until then, it will be impossible for them to see the extent of what they have done with any honesty and remorse. It is just too painful to do so.

Although I made some mistakes with my own daughter, and made some decisions that harmed her, there was never any outright abuse or neglect. But I was so wounded by a toxic marriage that it took a long time for me to be able to own the things I did wrong. I had to do a lot of hard work to heal myself before I was able to see myself clearly. It was painful, but possible because I have learned to face my mistakes without coming undone. A lot of people cannot do that. And that is unfortunate.

I hope I answered your question. Thanks for reading and responding.

Human learning to be human. Writing in hopes of getting there.

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