Maybe some mothers can do that, Toya, but I would say that most mothers (if they are self-aware enough to see the pain they have caused) do not forget it. My own journey has been to see the pain I caused, own the consequences of it, reach out to my daughter to make amends, and then practice self-forgiveness. Forgiving myself does not mean I have forgotten, it means I recognize that a vow to live in self-hatred does not help me or my daughter to heal. I will always remember the ways I failed. I have learned to offer myself compassion for failing and I have offered my apology to my daughter. Forgetting may be a luxury to some, but forgetting in this context sounds more like denial. That’s a whole different animal.

The burden many daughters carry is not just remembering but waiting for their mothers to make it right. Some mothers are incapable of doing that, so it is in the daughters best interest to take her own healing journey. In this way, she takes control back and her mother no longer has power over her.

Human learning to be human. Writing in hopes of getting there.

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