My heart lurched out toward you as I read this. I am so sorry for your loss. There is no grief greater than the loss of a child. And the fear of having another decide they don't want you in their life anymore is the cruelest blow.

Please find support if you haven't already. My therapist saved my life as I navigated this excruciating loss. Walking on eggshells is such a sucky way to live. I am sending so much love. ♥