Selfish how? Having a baby is a personal choice. It’s way too much pressure to think you are just not doing everything right, therefore this is your fault and if you were not so selfish you could make it happen. It seems to me you already went above and beyond. Don’t let the social narrative (which is lunacy) make you feel this is all your fault. I’m 62 and I know how miserable it is to live with the idea that if you could just do better things would work out. You are right to call bs on that. Be gentle with yourself and make the decision that’s right for you and your husband. Fuck the rest of the world.